Jan. 5, 2011
Prior to entering treatment with Dr. Steinberg I had been in treatment for complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and a dissociative disorder in Washington, D.C. with supposed experts in the field. I had been hospitalized, drugged to the point of drooling on myself and basically told that this was as good as it would ever get. I had spent the majority of my adult life, up until this point, being successful by all the typical standards. I was an executive in a consulting firm, I owned my own home, I did all the successful adult things. I wasn't willing to give it all up because a group of mental health professionals who didn't know me from Adam had decided I was a lost cause because of my diagnosis.
The thing that I had always valued most about myself was my ability to think. It was my ability to think logically, creatively and to problem solve that had gotten me to where I was professionally. Now, under the influence of numerous psychoactive drugs I could barely think at all and my emotions were all over the board. Not typical for someone who was known as The Poker Player in the board room. When I complained about not being able to think clearly or at all to the mental health experts in D.C. they simply poured on more drugs until I knew I had lost something important, but I couldn't remember what it was. At the same time family and friends were told to distance themselves from the inevitable disaster that was to be the remnants of my life.
About a year and a half into this disaster I read a book called, "The Stranger In The Mirror – Dissociation: The Hidden Epidemic". Actually I read it a couple of times. I had almost bought into the doom and gloom predictions of what my life was going to be, to the point I was even seriously considering killing myself. But this book was the first thing I read that actually offered a view of a dissociative disorder that wasn't disastrous, that it was something that could be worked with and recovered from. There was a way out of the hole.
After reading the book half a dozen times I hatched a plan to move to Massachusetts and go into therapy with Dr Steinberg. Which I did. It has been just shy of 3 years now since I moved to Massachusetts. I take no psychiatric meds at all. I have not been hospitalized in a long time. I have regained my ability to think clearly, logically and creatively. I am rebuilding a better life than I had before (which I wouldn't have thought possible then). I also have something I didn't have before, I am more comfortable in my own skin. Thanks to Dr Steinberg I know there is life with PTSD and dissociation and it is not a disaster movie, it is actually pretty sweet and limitless.